#Blessings101

#Blessings 101

Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain, If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me. 

1 Samuel 1: 11 (MSG)




 Blessings, lesson number 2013. Yes, each year has a lesson. This year a final exam of the  truth. Taking a hard look past hurts and pains takes tenacity. It takes repeating the same  look over and over again. You could do it so repeatedly that it becomes part of your normal  routine. That tenacity can take you places that remind you of who you were, not who you  are. That repeated reminder can take you far from Jesus. This year I decided that taking a  hard look at my pain would be my final exam at it through my tearful eyes and see it  through the grace of our Lord. My neglect for misplacing my blessing into repeated hurt was final.

He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (MSG)




 He has been beside me the entire time. That day I found out I was going to be a Mother for the first time. And an unwise time at that. My first thought was to be afraid that I would forever be out of the good graces of everyone I knew. Especially the one that continued to whisper into my tears every Sunday. There were so many good people around me then, just trying to walk me through. I was just so afraid to be less than they hoped for, less than the Jesus girl I was brought up to be.

They defeated him through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness. Revelation 12:11 (MSG)

The bold witness is the epitome of Godliness. Being defeated by my choices held me captive for many years. It just didn't figure in that I may be able to forgive myself for my untimely choice. My choice to bring a baby into a world of a young Mother. That first day, I sentenced myself to a lifetime of unforgiveness.  That was binding of pain that Jesus didn't plan for me. He died for me to be able to live. The whole time I held myself in that pain, I defeated his purpose for me. Jesus meant for us to be bold in witness to others of both our failures and success 

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2: 10 (MSG)




My Blessing in life has been delivered to me with instructions. Those instructions were to given to me with a promise. A promise that I was loved even in my darkest choices. My choice to take an unplanned pregnancy to a clinic where shouts of defeat lined the path. My choice to listen to the angel that sent me home that day. My choice to have a baby in dire circumstances of an unprepared Mother. My choice to seek a Family that would be her Family. A Family to bless with my choice.

Mother's Day

 Mother's Day is a marker in time for me. It was the first time I realized that Jesus was beside me. It became the moment that I always go back to when I first realized that he was there. I always loved going to church. The quiet peaceful light always brought me to a stillness that was rare for me. When my memories replay, I know most of those quiet times brought tears streaming down both cheeks. I never felt that I was special enough for Jesus. Especially not that Mother's Day.

 Motherhood was surprisingly blessed upon me that day. My heart was broken into so many pieces, that it would take a lifetime to put back together. I didn't plan to become a Mother that year, by far I was removed from the life that lie ahead of me. My choices as a young college student did not coincide with a lifetime choice that would forever be my legacy. My legacy was not to be finishing college to become the nurse I dreamed of. My legacy was to be blessed with a unplanned pregnancy and graced with a choice beyond my understanding of becoming a BirthMother.
 Mother's day continues to be a marker for my timeline of blessings. Each year I am reminded of my most significant broken pieces, as well as my finest moments. Each year, I promise Jesus that I am going to be brave this year. I am going to tell every other Mother how Jesus has been beside me every Mother's Day. Everyday after I released my child, to every one after  I reconnected with her. He has been beside me everyday that I wallowed in my hurt and struggled to move beyond it. He has been beside me  with each child he has entrusted to me. This year I am going to keep my promise.